My more favored phases in the life of an expat (spouse or otherwise) are the preps for expatriation and repatriation or just moving on to another post, while the process of settling or resettling comes a close second.Every 3 years or so I get to declutter my world in many ways. I do have a lot of 'crap' (as opposed to 'full of...' I hope).
For a long time decluttering to me meant travelling light - which by other people's standards, is not at all that - getting rid of unnecessary things (or least favored), mostly but not limited to, documents and furniture and a gamut of others in between.
I see it as a personal triumph being able to reduce a 20ft container (that we came with) to a 10er for instance (yes that much crap)...to make room for newer, more 'useful crap' (am pulling a Yogi Berra here, people) that I may or may not get rid of at the next post.
Only recently have I realized (late bloomer, that's me) that baggage can mean different things to different people. I, of course, know the likes of emotional baggage, chip on one's shoulder and other cliches referring to different forms of burden but have never equated it to something that can be decluttered from my life, the process of which is not unlike getting rid of crap.
Clutter closely associated with or borne out of the 'Hoarding Syndrome' can be disturbing, stressful and even dangerous according to this Reader's Digest article (shudder).
On a more upbeat note, clutter according to Marcia Francois of Professional Organizer is: ANYTHING you don't love, don't use or doesn't make you feel happy.
...makes perfect sense to me and below her sensible advise (or hacks as she calls them) on how to go about decluttering.
1. Have a place for everything
Clutter builds up because you or your family doesn't know where to put it.
2. Before you buy something, decide where it will go
Right there in the store, while you're admiring it, decide exactly where that thing you absolutely must have will go.
3. One in, one out
If you buy 3 long-sleeved tops, get rid of 3 from your cupboard when you unpack your purchases.
4. Contain your stuff to the storage space you have
It's very tempting to expand to more cupboards or buy another chest of drawers. I say that's a perfect time to declutter!
Become ruthless when things start overflowing.
5. Make regular decluttering time for maintenance
You don't need hours and hours to get started. While you wait for the kettle to boil, go through a drawer or cupboard. While your computer boots up, tackle a file. Or better still, take the file and sort through it in front of the TV.
My post is not to describe how I intend to declutter my life but identifying those that clutter it and the resolve to get rid of them. A greater realization is that not only things burden me but PEOPLE too. This realization came about through a deep bonding discussion with D a newly acquired dear, dear friend - as per Marcia's #3 hack, should I then get rid of one friend having acquired a new one? I consider myself very fortunate to acquire great friends at each post. Being on the same boat and with lifestyles that bring us similar, if not downright eerily identical challenges can bond people like no other.
This lifestyle has afforded me the luxury of choosing friends, an entitlement I have come to embrace. I live a life where I have very limited time to enjoy another person's company and therefore will have to choose carefully. After that, you move on choosing who to keep in touch with and who not to bother with. To some who has never lived this life (or can't imagine living THIS kind of life), will find my statement very harsh, indeed.Just like changing tastes in clothing, decor, food, etc, people too change. When I hear people say 'wow, you haven't changed at all since the last time I saw you', where last time could be anywhere between 5 and 20 years ago, it could only mean physical (and an exaggeration - ok, everyone knows that). I know I have changed as a person, afterall, all my experiences would have all come to naught if there hasn't been an iota of change in me.
I'm obviously rumbling now trying (really hard) to get to my point, the realization of the changes in me. It is not easy to acknowledge the fact the I have become less tolerant of:
Frivolity
Pretentiousness
Childishness as opposed to being childlike (I value highly as a trait - maybe not mine, but nevertheless...)
Immaturity
Irrationality
Unreliability
Ficklemindedness
Deceitfulness
Enviousness
Extreme Insecurity
Being inconsiderate
Pettiness
Selfishness
Arrogance
...and therefore have made the decision to purge them from my life. An uncessary burden that will only slow me down in my pursuit to enjoy the only life I know and devote quality time to the people who matters most to me. Of all the people around me at this moment, regardless of geographical location, they are less than 1% of my world. I put this in writing to remind myself that never again will I allow myself to be dragged into situations that will only limit my growth and development as a person and more importantly, waste what I consider my precious time on this earth. One always hopes to evolve into a mature, responsible and reliable individual but as the world being as it is, alas, not everyone does.
I am not being selfish (as far as I am concerned), only trying to survive the best way I can and if someone decides to do the same thing to me, I will definitely understand.
3 Comments:
wow, I must say at first read this is much too confining of a theory of life for me. How can people become clutter? it is unthinkable. your own aspirations may be the clutter, blocking your view of the beauty of a simple life.
That may seem harsh, but it is what I find at this age (54) and occupation. (care giver to an elderly lady)
no offense, we are just so different.
Hi David, thanks for dropping by. I have been expecting something like this and I understand. You in fact, have been most kind in the way you have expressed your opinion.
To some extent, I do agree with your sentiments about something else being the clutter and not necessarily the person. Only I wouldn't say it's my aspiration, if you know me (they're really very simple - that's why it did not sit well with this person) but yes, up to now cannot put a finger on it. Clutter in this context being something unnecessary (emotions included), and in this case, brought on by the intrusive presence of another. I was unfortunate to have been trapped (for some period) in the presence of a person whom I thought was a friend (but alas, proved not to be), thereby wasting that period by voluntarily being trapped there. Those precious moments could have instead been spent enjoying the beauty of life with like-minded people instead of the palpable bitterness, pompousness and everything else in between. Having said that, this post is to ascertain that I be reminded not to waste my remaining time on situations I don't have control over (like someone else's attitude about life that drags other people down) and cannot change. To de-clutter my mind and rid myself of these emotions may mean an acceptance of the fact that some relations are just not feasible in the long run because people do change and not always for the better. In not wanting to be surrounded by negativity, I have decided to declutter my mind and emotions, and if it means losing someone in the process, so be it. Some who were present were even surprised that it took me this long to notice.
If and when I get to finish my 'Evolution...' posts and you bother to come back and read it, you will see how those aspirations are so simple that this person almost vehemently despise and look down on my wanting to spend the rest of my life with the people I love even if it means being 'just' a mother and a wife.
ahh - so glad I came and read your response.
I too had to let go of a personal relationship, in order to focus on God, my family and resetting my priorities. I do understand your post much better, now. I thank you for your thoughtful reply. As different as we are, we find common ground. Shalom
Post a Comment