Modern day Desiderata (?)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97
Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
It. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
Scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
Than my own meandering
Experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
Understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and
Recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before
You and how fabulous you really looked….You're not as fat as you
Imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
Effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
Bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
Never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
On some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with
People who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
You're behind…the race is long, and in the end, it's only with
Yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
Succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
Life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they
Wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
Olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe
You won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky
Chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don't
Congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
Choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body,
Use it every way you can…don't be afraid of it, or what other people
Think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever
Own...

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there
For you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for
Good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
People most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you
Should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
Lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
Knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
In Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
Philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize
That when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
Noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
Might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
Look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
Supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
Fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
Ugly parts and recycling it for more than
It's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there
For you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)

Lyrics: Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's Free (to wear Sunscreen).

Decluttering one's life

My more favored phases in the life of an expat (spouse or otherwise) are the preps for expatriation and repatriation or just moving on to another post, while the process of settling or resettling comes a close second.

Every 3 years or so I get to declutter my world in many ways. I do have a lot of 'crap' (as opposed to 'full of...' I hope).

For a long time decluttering to me meant travelling light - which by other people's standards, is not at all that - getting rid of unnecessary things (or least favored), mostly but not limited to, documents and furniture and a gamut of others in between.

I see it as a personal triumph being able to reduce a 20ft container (that we came with) to a 10er for instance (yes that much crap)...to make room for newer, more 'useful crap' (am pulling a Yogi Berra here, people) that I may or may not get rid of at the next post.

Only recently have I realized (late bloomer, that's me) that baggage can mean different things to different people. I, of course, know the likes of emotional baggage, chip on one's shoulder and other cliches referring to different forms of burden but have never equated it to something that can be decluttered from my life, the process of which is not unlike getting rid of crap.

Clutter closely associated with or borne out of the 'Hoarding Syndrome' can be disturbing, stressful and even dangerous according to this Reader's Digest article (shudder).

On a more upbeat note, clutter according to Marcia Francois of Professional Organizer is: ANYTHING you don't love, don't use or doesn't make you feel happy.

...makes perfect sense to me and below her sensible advise (or hacks as she calls them) on how to go about decluttering.

1. Have a place for everything
Clutter builds up because you or your family doesn't know where to put it.

2. Before you buy something, decide where it will go
Right there in the store, while you're admiring it, decide exactly where that thing you absolutely must have will go.

3. One in, one out
If you buy 3 long-sleeved tops, get rid of 3 from your cupboard when you unpack your purchases.

4. Contain your stuff to the storage space you have

It's very tempting to expand to more cupboards or buy another chest of drawers. I say that's a perfect time to declutter!

Become ruthless when things start overflowing.

5. Make regular decluttering time for maintenance
You don't need hours and hours to get started. While you wait for the kettle to boil, go through a drawer or cupboard. While your computer boots up, tackle a file. Or better still, take the file and sort through it in front of the TV.

My post is not to describe how I intend to declutter my life but identifying those that clutter it and the resolve to get rid of them. A greater realization is that not only things burden me but PEOPLE too. This realization came about through a deep bonding discussion with D a newly acquired dear, dear friend - as per Marcia's #3 hack, should I then get rid of one friend having acquired a new one? I consider myself very fortunate to acquire great friends at each post. Being on the same boat and with lifestyles that bring us similar, if not downright eerily identical challenges can bond people like no other.

This lifestyle has afforded me the luxury of choosing friends, an entitlement I have come to embrace. I live a life where I have very limited time to enjoy another person's company and therefore will have to choose carefully. After that, you move on choosing who to keep in touch with and who not to bother with. To some who has never lived this life (or can't imagine living THIS kind of life), will find my statement very harsh, indeed.

Just like changing tastes in clothing, decor, food, etc, people too change. When I hear people say 'wow, you haven't changed at all since the last time I saw you', where last time could be anywhere between 5 and 20 years ago, it could only mean physical (and an exaggeration - ok, everyone knows that). I know I have changed as a person, afterall, all my experiences would have all come to naught if there hasn't been an iota of change in me.

I'm obviously rumbling now trying (really hard) to get to my point, the realization of the changes in me. It is not easy to acknowledge the fact the I have become less tolerant of:

Frivolity
Pretentiousness
Childishness as opposed to being childlike (I value highly as a trait - maybe not mine, but nevertheless...)
Immaturity
Irrationality
Unreliability
Ficklemindedness
Deceitfulness
Enviousness
Extreme Insecurity
Being inconsiderate
Pettiness
Selfishness
Arrogance

...and therefore have made the decision to purge them from my life. An uncessary burden that will only slow me down in my pursuit to enjoy the only life I know and devote quality time to the people who matters most to me. Of all the people around me at this moment, regardless of geographical location, they are less than 1% of my world. I put this in writing to remind myself that never again will I allow myself to be dragged into situations that will only limit my growth and development as a person and more importantly, waste what I consider my precious time on this earth. One always hopes to evolve into a mature, responsible and reliable individual but as the world being as it is, alas, not everyone does.

To quote another friend, L: I am entitled to my anger, my hurt, my pain as much as I am entitled to my joy, my success and all other positive things. Amen.

I am not being selfish (as far as I am concerned), only trying to survive the best way I can and if someone decides to do the same thing to me, I will definitely understand.

A Friendly Reminder about Social Networking Sites

A timely read after having just posted my thoughts on these sites. While checking what my friends and family have been up to on one of the sites I am a member of, I came across this blog (2nd degree) that discussed the 'Perils of Networking'. Sound and logical advise, specially to the non-tech savvy, that I strongly believe everyone should keep in mind while enjoying the benefits of connectivity.

The adults of today may be aware of the consequences but a lot of teen-agers (including mine) are more and more into these sights. It is best we make them aware - on top of having internet usage, downloads and access rules at home - of the perils of giving out too much information and having internet contacts they don't personally know. Remember that THEIR information is YOUR information too and many unscrupulous entities scouring the net for information to steal can gain access to yours through THEM.

Take time to make them understand how to enjoy these sites with their friends with caution. Happy networking.

Midnight snack

As far back as I can remember, I have always taken a midnight snack. It is a special time my grandmother and I shared and a very effective way to infuriate my uncle due to all the racket I make in the kitchen at, well, midnight. When I say snack, I mean all sorts of nourishment representing either one or a combination of the food group. It could be left-over dinner, fried chicken and rice, pasta, anything and everything that catches my fancy and is available in the cupboard, kitchen or the freezer. If I haven't pictured it clearly yet, as snack, I really meant 'meal'. 2nd dinner, if you will (6th meal for the day), except if at that moment I fancied eggs and bacon, then it will come in the form of breakfast.

See, I'm one of those who can eat the whole table without gaining weight. In fact, that ritual started because my grandmother was desperate for me to put some more on. Not that I did not eat, ok, I was a bit picky, but I ate and when I do, I eat like a lumberjack who just felled more than his quota. Between my 30 and 42 (up until a month ago) years, I have see-sawed between 98 and 105 lbs (my BMI dictates I should be 115 lbs at 5'5"). So I thought, no harm in continuing what I have been accustomed to.

Sure, except that lately I have started eating pancakes at midnight, replete with butter and syrup. That, I have been enjoying the past week while the cat (you do know who I mean) is away. T has never said anything about my habit except for a comment and a question here and there...'how can you do it?'...'aren't you worried sleeping on a full stomach?'...'don't you think you should take a walk before going to bed?' I guess now I will have to, take a walk I mean. In weighing myself (just now), I realized I have even exceeded my ideal weight by 2 lbs. A big deal because most of my clothes, specially my jeans will fit me, tops at 102 lbs (my most average). I know where all this weight lies...it will eventually, comfortably lodge itself in parts that would prevent my jeans from reaching my waist or my dress from cascading below it.

It may not sound much, but for someone who has a wardrobe full of clothes that don't have room for growth, it could spell financial disaster - total wardrobe overhaul financing dilemma. I not only have to rethink these damn pancakes but I also have to go back to playing tennis and planning my meals....after summer vacation. Goodluck to me as this particular vacation will entail a lot of eating adding more pounds that will need greater effort to dismiss. First things first, no more pancakes...at midnight, that is.

Danish design

I'm having an 'I miss Denmark day'. T will soon be traveling to Denmark for some job related meetings and a seminar and we normally take this opportunity to buy stuff in Denmark that we want to use (or eat) here or just really need. It can be as mundane as freezer bags that you can write on and are strong enough not to tear when pried from other icy stuff it's pegged to. We've tried many here and they always tear plus I have to take the extra step of writing the content and date on paper, wrap it in plastic and put it inside the freezer bag for identification. It's just faster and easier with the freezer bags we use in Denmark.

The times I lived in Denmark (in between postings), I would normally opt out of buying popular Danish design items because it seems that every household would have them and the monotony of it killed my interest. They even stopped becoming conversation pieces as everyone owns practically the same things, therefore kitchens looked mighty uniform - clean, streamlined, chic and efficient but very homogeneous . That's how my kitchen looked too, so how can I openly admire my friends' kitchen without sounding like a moron just trying to make conversation when mine and 20 others looks the same (oh alright, mine is a tad messier than theirs, ok everyone else's). And as the kitchen is the heart of people's homes, prior to serving dinner to guests, the hosts and the guests converge there to chat and help out. Each time we're invited to dinner, I kind of know almost exactly where things will be. Warning: Enlarge at your own risk. I almost (I gave him h*ll instead) divorced T after he took this photo (of me at my worse) but I really can't find any other photos of our kitchen in DK - ignore T's stuff as he was getting ready for work...in a rush but managed to take an awful photo of me, go figure.

Now, living abroad on the other hand is a totally different matter. We proudly display and use danish design items because of 1. Their uniqueness; 2. Our penchant for having both cultures represented in our home; 3. their scarcity abroad due to their prohibitive prices and; 4. for them always being a source of interesting conversation.

Just yesterday, while having brunch at M & E's where we volunteered to bring the coffee (we're avid coffee drinkers while ironically, M&E never touch it) in 2 mission issued Stelton vacuum jugs, the gesture (okay, the jugs) in fact elicited some interesting and funny remarks.

B, while trying to pour coffee, tried to first loosen (unscrew) the top like one does with traditional coffee jugs, which of course didn't work because the beauty of this particular design is that coffee is kept hot and ready to pour without having to adjust the cover. Like fill and pour, if you want. Fast, clean, efficient and doesn't take so much table space.

B pointed out that sometimes he feels that the Danish design hinges on making fun of other nationalities to leave them perplexed and feeling inadequate (to use a polite word). It was of course said as a joke, which I personally found funny and so did T. Hmmm makes sense. We do have this Menu toothpick dispenser that no one can seem to figure out how to use (except the Danes, of course). Mental note: Schedule usage orientation for guests prior to dinner or just after main course is served, right before dessert.

There is that feeling of wanting to be unique that just plague some people (us?). People who step into our home, we think, should feel like stepping into our world, a realm unique to us, wherever in the world we are. So, while in Denmark, we used furniture and stuff we've accumulated from Asia and Africa....until I ached for efficiency in the kitchen. Like most Danes, I was both studying (the language) and working, V was going to school and T of course was at work the whole day. I started needing kitchen help. Fast, easy to maintain, efficient, classic, neat looking and space saving devices. I started living like a Dane and started acquiring more Danish design accoutrement. Which we had to leave behind in Denmark because this post is a 'furnished' post (sigh).

Now I miss them and wish we brought them with us.

The Danes are fiercely loyal and proud of Danish design and workmanship and by virtue of association, so am I. I say, give them a chance to grace your homes and you will end up raving about them, at some point become dependent on them and at the end won't be able to live without them. They are worth their price. They never go out of style, lasts forever and I've known them to be handed down from generation to generation.

In the website Denmark.dk, one may find an insight into 'The Essence of Danish Design':

"Design is partly expressed through a product’s aesthetic value, but no matter how beautiful classic Danish design can be, the creators were rarely aiming directly for beauty, but rather sought to solve a problem in the simplest way possible without violating the complexity of the task and never forgetting that a new product must above all be a good implement for the users. These criteria are basic to Danish design.

In Denmark, design is typically regarded as a problem-solving process. The solution to the design task must be as simple and natural as possible without violating the complexity of the task.

The aim is to create an identity between user and implement, and the solution must respect the requirements associated with cost and environment.

On this background, it is obvious that Danish design is not a style or fashion, but the expression and result of a set of aims and values with very long-term validity."

Jens Bernsen, Gyldendal Leksikon

Amen to that.

Phew!

I think I'm done redesigning the blog for the moment. I'd like it cleaner but I'm kind of 'blidget' (blog widgets) crazy at the moment....at least I now have the space for them. In reality, I only really added another column (on the right), did away with the 'harbor background' for a much clearer slate and added one more widget: the Recent Comment widget (not that I get many of them) courtesy of Amanda. Oh and a new signature too. It's easy enough on my eyes and I hope it is too on yours.

Now let's see if this new layout will create the magic I need to post regularly (I highly doubt though).




Edit: I reverted to my old signature...I thought it is more, well, me.

Stitching it back together

Life has a way of healing itself that sometimes require great effort or sometimes none at all. My last post bellies the fact that these small pieces have been accumulating and piling up for some days now which culminated in a frustrated post.

I hardly post about religion or my personal belief but prayers have always calmed me down. It is a way for me to let go and accept the fact that there are some things I have no control of and will therefore have to (at some point) let go and leave my fate to a higher and more powerful entity. I never pray for solutions, I pray for strength in adversity (big or small) and always, ALWAYS all of a sudden the scattered pieces fall into place.

I slept a troubled sleep last night but woke up to see the pieces, one by one, gathering themselves in almost perfect alignment again that I even wondered why I spent agonizing moments worrying about them in the first place. Such , I guess, are the ups and downs of life.

I'm not sure how to end this post as I yet have to see the other pieces do the same but from what I have seen so far, it can only go one way, slowly but surely. For now, I have more meaningful things to enjoy and be thankful for.

When things fall apart

Ever had those days when nothing really works or anything you touch turns into muck? What's worse than those kind of days is the fact that it's not something you can rationalize or really explain (what's eating you) or what's gone wrong, how, where and when. I have been having those days lately. There's just a bunch of things that needs repairing and none of them are done right, for instance....and a whole bunch of other non-essential but must do things that either can't be done properly or on time, specially if you're at the mercy of others who are supposed to know what they are doing and have been doing it for the longest time. The more one thinks about it, the more it mucks the brain inviting other irrational moves or decisions that just worsens the situation.

Owmmmm....Deep breath...eeeexhaaaaale. This should be over soon.

Finally, real rain

Today, for me, heralds the rainy season here in Nicaragua having woken up by its pounding on our roof in the wee hours of the morning and its incessant pouring today. Many said that it's supposed to have started on the 15th of this month. We have had welcome showers here and there, even on V's birthday party, that helps cool an otherwise hot, hot, hot summer. Many people are happy that rain has finally arrived...it has been scorching hot.

We will probably have 4 months of this at least and at some point within those months, it will rain every single day and in most days, pour really hard. What I remember from last year was how heavy it can fall in late afternoons and pound our roof in the evenings - like it just might cave in. Many roads to beach resorts on the Pacific will be impassable with rivers overflowing on kilometers and kilometers of unpaved dirt roads. A real challenge to traverse even for 4-wheel drive vehicles. In some Suburban dwellings in Managua, there may be days when you feel like you're running an obstacle course zigzagging through debris from soil erosion - trash, tree branches, rocks, etc.

To me rain means seeing the frogs again (we have this small variety whose skin I heard is poisonous), mosquitos (sancudos)...they come with the rain and are extremely vicious (this type) and on the home front, erratic cable service. On the otherhand rain also means an end to scheduled power outages, green, green grass, abundant garden and less dusting.

When it rains, it does pour indeed, literally here in Nicaragua. Just another season.

Living with guilt

Having written my previous post, brings me now to my present one. The title, borrowed from one of my fave read blogs Africa Expat Wives Club, calls for me to write about it as it is true that there is some level of guilt you have to live with when posted in a 3rd world country - Africa Expat Wife's post must have been my last read before my internet service went out. I have indeed met quite a few in the business of aid, the Diplomatic Corps and even those within the private sector, most specifically spouses that carry a tremendous amount of guilt living in a poverty stricken country (why they need to be aided by international organizations, in the first place). Unlike the working spouses who feel that they are doing their part of aiding the country through their work, the spouse live a comfortable, if not ostentatious lifestyle...some, not all.

The only way I differ from them is that I grew up in a third world country myself and have had to live with poverty surrounding me on a daily basis. I am not jaded, I just know my limitations. I too know what I have given up to warrant a comfortable life while on post (it is a choice).

Guilt to me is impotence. There's just so many things in the world today that can make us feel impotent, if we let them...detrimental to mental, emotional and physical health, that eventually render us useless than we already are in some cases.

I am putting forth the following not as an advise nor to assuage guilt but just my own guiding principles:

1. I am for sustainable development
2. I refuse to be a party to creating a dole-out community subsistence
3. I believe in teaching people how to fish, rather than set their table for them
4. I believe in working for your keep
5. I don't give money to street children as it only keeps them on the street, instead I give food - fruits, biscuits, etc, whatever I have at the moment other than change. And yes, I get a thank you less than half the time and a frown very often.
6. I only support feeding programs for the orphans because feeding programs for non-orphans only encourage irresponsibility on their parents end.
7. I support schools for the disabled
8. I believe in empowering women
9. Relative to #8, I support the marginalized sector of society mainly the women and indigenous groups.
10. Most importantly, I believe that everyone should be empowered with self pride, knowing that what you are spending, wisely, if I may add, comes from hard work.

By 'my limitations' I mean that I cannot change the world single handedly but can help when I can starting with those who are close to me. I come from a family that always had someone, a distant relative or other staying with us because my grandparents are sending them to school. Half the time, they have to do something in the house to help us. We have always had nannies, maids and drivers in the Philippines because that's just how the economic wheel has turned ever since I can remember. In our case, they have been with us since I can remember...like family. Part of my grandfather's day is to sit down in th evening with my nanny and the driver for a round of beer. My cousins and I have had the same nanny when we were kids as our parents and our nanny's children have worked with us in the house. A symbiotic relationship is how I see it. Job creation as needed. They worked their keep.

In Kenya, our predecessor, before they left enrolled their gardener in driving school and recommended him to us as a driver. An honest hardworking guy, we decided to hire his wife too, contrary to our rule of thumb (no personal relationships), who was a stay-at-home wife and never had any work experience at all. I trained her (quick learner and very smart) and now works for another expat (she was quite in-demand even before we left), whereas her husband now works for someone with a very responsible position in the UN. While with us, they managed to move their children to a better school.

Relative to this I worked with a women's organization in Kenya where I was part of a project that taught design (accessories). I agreed to this because I saw how these women work hard to earn a living. What was sustainable in this project was that the women covered all aspects of the business. They were taught accounting, sourcing, purchasing, profit and loss, etc. It made me feel good to be a small part of something that I knew would last even after we leave the country...yes, expats of limited existence within a country is bound to leave sooner or later. That makes me really think hard of what I am leaving behind. Am I leaving behind a project that will not subsist on its own once the donors are gone? Or a project that will close down when the changing of the guards come to pass...which is an eventuality.

Charity begins at home as the cliche goes works very well for me...literally. Our empleados here at home, together with us follow these simple guidelines:

1. I am not a bank nor a financial institution - I am more flexible than that but should definitely not be abused.
2. Emergency situations or otherwise can be covered by a loan up to a month's salary payable in 3 months (anything can happen within that period).
4. Succeeding loans can be had depending on how much of the previous loan have been paid off.

5. I give them extra monthly to buy their food because I believe I should not have the temerity to change their pallet imposing on them the food we eat. In Kenya, this is more the norm as the tribal food preference will drive you crazy.

These simple guidelines, from what I have seen have taught them, specially M, to be responsible with money. I do what I can in my own little way. To me what is important is to leave behind a legacy of respect for oneself on how you have earned your keep, pride that you indeed deserve the lifestyle you have and the responsibility you have for others, specially your children.

I do not triple their salaries like some expats do (to assuage guilt maybe?), double maybe, as the salary level here is also outrageously low given the cost of living, in fear of creating an economic imbalance. Are their salary levels sustainable when we leave? Would they be able to get a job giving them the same salary level (which by law will still have to be increased on a yearly basis)? If not, how do they revert to the lifestyle they have been accustomed to while they were working with us? A did buy the latest phone model the moment I increased his salary (so did M, by the way)...but that was before he got married, now I hope he knows better...priorities, priorities. Will they then have to give up their cheese? Or worse, move their children back to public school when they've had a taste of private schooling?

I'm not saying that this is happening to us right now, but those who out of guilt, inadvertently, drastically bucking the economic trend is innocently creating havoc that could threaten to skew an already skewed economic graph of a country. An unsustainable surge which I believe does more harm than good in the long run.

This early, I can already say that when we leave, I have glowing recommendations for all of them and I won't even be exaggerating. Hopefully, they will move on to better jobs - for M, if she finishes her secondary education, which I insist she does - or at the very least keep the well paying jobs that they have.

There have been success stories of course. T's predecessor's driver-gardener now works for the embassy as a full-time official driver...another stepping stone, yes, but at least they can say that they have done it themselves and owed no one in reversing their economic situation. Hopefully, these values will trickle down to the next generation and as they say here, poco-a-poco and slowly but surely...if I may add. In all these, I have learned that I cannot change a culture that has been developed for centuries in a blink of an eye and regardless of what I do, my impact will not so much even make a ripple in a sea of hopelessness.

I know of spouses that went back home (leaving the other half to fulfill their contract) because they cannot take the sight of poverty or carry the feeling of impotence on a daily basis. I, on the on the other hand, refuse to be dragged into the abyss of despair of seeing poverty all around me (there are other things that drag me there believe me)...without turning a blind eye, I know that I can only do so much and I do what I can.

But then again, that's just me.

Where is HOME?

Ours is an inter-cultural marriage which complicates further the concept of where home is. I have spent more than half of my adult life in the Philippines to not consider it at some level, home. Although I don't miss it as much as I did the first time I left, it beckons me. In fact, I plan to retire there (shhh, don't tell T). I'm sure T feels exactly the same about Denmark . It would be so easy to say that 'home is where the heart is'. But what if our hearts are not in the same place.

Home is where The Core is. The solution came when the movie 'The Core' came out. The Core obviously is T, V & myself. It sounds corny even to me specially this moment, when I'm actually writing it but we needed to come up with something for V to really understand the underlying concept of 'home ' or feeling at home. He is after all a 3rd culture kid. With all the challenges of moving, changing schools & environment, gaining and losing friends all within a years time each time, he must already be experiencing frustration & loss in his young life. We strongly believe that a semblance of an anchored life should help him feel secure about himself in his ever changing environment and that anchor should be the core. That even if everything else changes around him, T & M would always be a constant. So far this process of thinking has worked for all of us (yes including T and myself). Home is where The Core is on this planet or beyond, as long as we are together.

Evolution of an expat spouse Part 1

I wasn't born an expat spouse (obviously), nor was I a third culture kid. Having been through many expat spouse resource and help pages, I thought I should hop onto the bandwagon and write about my own thoughts about this phenomenon, based on my own experiences. For selfish reasons, I'm hoping that once I have immortalized these thoughts in a blog, I would stop sounding like a war veteran who can't stop talking about my battle wounds and glory days. This is my reality now and I will try to get as much as I can out of this experience.

I have lived in 3 different countries the past 6 years. Denmark, Kenya, back to Denmark and now Nicaragua. We never know where we'll go to next until 3 months or if we're lucky 6 months before our current post is over. It could be anywhere or Denmark again as homebase to await a new post.

Let me briefly outline my pre-expat spouse existence:

1. Born in the Philippines
2. Grew up in a hard working upper middle (don't read too much into this as there are many social classes in the Philippines, specially in middle class) class family
3. Finished university majoring in Economics
4. Worked in various industries i.e. Automobile, Logistics, IT (EDI, ASP, MSP, BPO) in different capacities as Sales Representative, Business Unit Head, Sales & Marketing Manager, Business Development Manager, Marketing Consultant and Advisor
5. In 2002, before I left, I received 2 very tempting offers; to run a subsidiary as Country Manager and a Regional Management Position.

Before anyone misconstrues this as anything than stating facts about myself, I am inclined to believe that like many expat spouses out there who has experienced a rewarding career that contribute to feelings of independence in pre-expat spouse life, has had a hard time adjusting to this new life. I did.

Although I have done a lot of work related and leisure travels during those times, I have lived my whole life in the Philippines without any thought of moving elsewhere. Why should I? My support group was close by (family and friends), I had my own money and can therefore do practically what I wanted, time permitting. I was in my comfort zone.

What happened? I fell in love. At the onset, I've made it known to T (as he was a foreigner in my country) that I don't plan to migrate to any other country especially his (cold, dark half the time and expensive are just not my cup of tea). T was working for a private Danish / Filipino company at that time as part of top management and having an open employment contract that he can renew anytime meant we were staying put.

By Filipino standards, I married late. I met T when I was 31, 2 years later at 33, I succumbed to marital bliss. My family was pleasantly surprised to say the least. They thought I never would even if they secretly wished I would someday. 4 years into the relationship, T's viking heritage kicked in. He wanted to experience more sans the pillaging, burning villages and raping virgins. He wanted more challenges from work and feeling philanthropic wanted to try working in the public sector. Uh, I thought the other way around was more the norm, mid-career crisis perhaps, whatever. I was in my elements when he came up with that suggestion (more a rant, really)....I just got pirated by a multinational company tripling my previous contract, and the perks, the perks...talk about timing!