Having written my previous post, brings me now to my present one. The title, borrowed from one of my fave read blogs Africa Expat Wives Club, calls for me to write about it as it is true that there is some level of guilt you have to live with when posted in a 3rd world country - Africa Expat Wife's post must have been my last read before my internet service went out. I have indeed met quite a few in the business of aid, the Diplomatic Corps and even those within the private sector, most specifically spouses that carry a tremendous amount of guilt living in a poverty stricken country (why they need to be aided by international organizations, in the first place). Unlike the working spouses who feel that they are doing their part of aiding the country through their work, the spouse live a comfortable, if not ostentatious lifestyle...some, not all.
The only way I differ from them is that I grew up in a third world country myself and have had to live with poverty surrounding me on a daily basis. I am not jaded, I just know my limitations. I too know what I have given up to warrant a comfortable life while on post (it is a choice).
Guilt to me is impotence. There's just so many things in the world today that can make us feel impotent, if we let them...detrimental to mental, emotional and physical health, that eventually render us useless than we already are in some cases.
I am putting forth the following not as an advise nor to assuage guilt but just my own guiding principles:
1. I am for sustainable development
2. I refuse to be a party to creating a dole-out community subsistence
3. I believe in teaching people how to fish, rather than set their table for them
4. I believe in working for your keep
5. I don't give money to street children as it only keeps them on the street, instead I give food - fruits, biscuits, etc, whatever I have at the moment other than change. And yes, I get a thank you less than half the time and a frown very often.
6. I only support feeding programs for the orphans because feeding programs for non-orphans only encourage irresponsibility on their parents end.
7. I support schools for the disabled
8. I believe in empowering women
9. Relative to #8, I support the marginalized sector of society mainly the women and indigenous groups.
10. Most importantly, I believe that everyone should be empowered with self pride, knowing that what you are spending, wisely, if I may add, comes from hard work.
By 'my limitations' I mean that I cannot change the world single handedly but can help when I can starting with those who are close to me. I come from a family that always had someone, a distant relative or other staying with us because my grandparents are sending them to school. Half the time, they have to do something in the house to help us. We have always had nannies, maids and drivers in the Philippines because that's just how the economic wheel has turned ever since I can remember. In our case, they have been with us since I can remember...like family. Part of my grandfather's day is to sit down in th evening with my nanny and the driver for a round of beer. My cousins and I have had the same nanny when we were kids as our parents and our nanny's children have worked with us in the house. A symbiotic relationship is how I see it. Job creation as needed. They worked their keep.
In Kenya, our predecessor, before they left enrolled their gardener in driving school and recommended him to us as a driver. An honest hardworking guy, we decided to hire his wife too, contrary to our rule of thumb (no personal relationships), who was a stay-at-home wife and never had any work experience at all. I trained her (quick learner and very smart) and now works for another expat (she was quite in-demand even before we left), whereas her husband now works for someone with a very responsible position in the UN. While with us, they managed to move their children to a better school.
Relative to this I worked with a women's organization in Kenya where I was part of a project that taught design (accessories). I agreed to this because I saw how these women work hard to earn a living. What was sustainable in this project was that the women covered all aspects of the business. They were taught accounting, sourcing, purchasing, profit and loss, etc. It made me feel good to be a small part of something that I knew would last even after we leave the country...yes, expats of limited existence within a country is bound to leave sooner or later. That makes me really think hard of what I am leaving behind. Am I leaving behind a project that will not subsist on its own once the donors are gone? Or a project that will close down when the changing of the guards come to pass...which is an eventuality.
Charity begins at home as the cliche goes works very well for me...literally. Our empleados here at home, together with us follow these simple guidelines:
1. I am not a bank nor a financial institution - I am more flexible than that but should definitely not be abused.
2. Emergency situations or otherwise can be covered by a loan up to a month's salary payable in 3 months (anything can happen within that period).
4. Succeeding loans can be had depending on how much of the previous loan have been paid off.
These simple guidelines, from what I have seen have taught them, specially M, to be responsible with money. I do what I can in my own little way. To me what is important is to leave behind a legacy of respect for oneself on how you have earned your keep, pride that you indeed deserve the lifestyle you have and the responsibility you have for others, specially your children.
I do not triple their salaries like some expats do (to assuage guilt maybe?), double maybe, as the salary level here is also outrageously low given the cost of living, in fear of creating an economic imbalance. Are their salary levels sustainable when we leave? Would they be able to get a job giving them the same salary level (which by law will still have to be increased on a yearly basis)? If not, how do they revert to the lifestyle they have been accustomed to while they were working with us? A did buy the latest phone model the moment I increased his salary (so did M, by the way)...but that was before he got married, now I hope he knows better...priorities, priorities. Will they then have to give up their cheese? Or worse, move their children back to public school when they've had a taste of private schooling?
I'm not saying that this is happening to us right now, but those who out of guilt, inadvertently, drastically bucking the economic trend is innocently creating havoc that could threaten to skew an already skewed economic graph of a country. An unsustainable surge which I believe does more harm than good in the long run.
This early, I can already say that when we leave, I have glowing recommendations for all of them and I won't even be exaggerating. Hopefully, they will move on to better jobs - for M, if she finishes her secondary education, which I insist she does - or at the very least keep the well paying jobs that they have.
There have been success stories of course. T's predecessor's driver-gardener now works for the embassy as a full-time official driver...another stepping stone, yes, but at least they can say that they have done it themselves and owed no one in reversing their economic situation. Hopefully, these values will trickle down to the next generation and as they say here, poco-a-poco and slowly but surely...if I may add. In all these, I have learned that I cannot change a culture that has been developed for centuries in a blink of an eye and regardless of what I do, my impact will not so much even make a ripple in a sea of hopelessness.
I know of spouses that went back home (leaving the other half to fulfill their contract) because they cannot take the sight of poverty or carry the feeling of impotence on a daily basis. I, on the on the other hand, refuse to be dragged into the abyss of despair of seeing poverty all around me (there are other things that drag me there believe me)...without turning a blind eye, I know that I can only do so much and I do what I can.
But then again, that's just me.
The only way I differ from them is that I grew up in a third world country myself and have had to live with poverty surrounding me on a daily basis. I am not jaded, I just know my limitations. I too know what I have given up to warrant a comfortable life while on post (it is a choice).
Guilt to me is impotence. There's just so many things in the world today that can make us feel impotent, if we let them...detrimental to mental, emotional and physical health, that eventually render us useless than we already are in some cases.
I am putting forth the following not as an advise nor to assuage guilt but just my own guiding principles:
1. I am for sustainable development
2. I refuse to be a party to creating a dole-out community subsistence
3. I believe in teaching people how to fish, rather than set their table for them
4. I believe in working for your keep
5. I don't give money to street children as it only keeps them on the street, instead I give food - fruits, biscuits, etc, whatever I have at the moment other than change. And yes, I get a thank you less than half the time and a frown very often.
6. I only support feeding programs for the orphans because feeding programs for non-orphans only encourage irresponsibility on their parents end.
7. I support schools for the disabled
8. I believe in empowering women
9. Relative to #8, I support the marginalized sector of society mainly the women and indigenous groups.
10. Most importantly, I believe that everyone should be empowered with self pride, knowing that what you are spending, wisely, if I may add, comes from hard work.
By 'my limitations' I mean that I cannot change the world single handedly but can help when I can starting with those who are close to me. I come from a family that always had someone, a distant relative or other staying with us because my grandparents are sending them to school. Half the time, they have to do something in the house to help us. We have always had nannies, maids and drivers in the Philippines because that's just how the economic wheel has turned ever since I can remember. In our case, they have been with us since I can remember...like family. Part of my grandfather's day is to sit down in th evening with my nanny and the driver for a round of beer. My cousins and I have had the same nanny when we were kids as our parents and our nanny's children have worked with us in the house. A symbiotic relationship is how I see it. Job creation as needed. They worked their keep.
In Kenya, our predecessor, before they left enrolled their gardener in driving school and recommended him to us as a driver. An honest hardworking guy, we decided to hire his wife too, contrary to our rule of thumb (no personal relationships), who was a stay-at-home wife and never had any work experience at all. I trained her (quick learner and very smart) and now works for another expat (she was quite in-demand even before we left), whereas her husband now works for someone with a very responsible position in the UN. While with us, they managed to move their children to a better school.
Relative to this I worked with a women's organization in Kenya where I was part of a project that taught design (accessories). I agreed to this because I saw how these women work hard to earn a living. What was sustainable in this project was that the women covered all aspects of the business. They were taught accounting, sourcing, purchasing, profit and loss, etc. It made me feel good to be a small part of something that I knew would last even after we leave the country...yes, expats of limited existence within a country is bound to leave sooner or later. That makes me really think hard of what I am leaving behind. Am I leaving behind a project that will not subsist on its own once the donors are gone? Or a project that will close down when the changing of the guards come to pass...which is an eventuality.
Charity begins at home as the cliche goes works very well for me...literally. Our empleados here at home, together with us follow these simple guidelines:
1. I am not a bank nor a financial institution - I am more flexible than that but should definitely not be abused.
2. Emergency situations or otherwise can be covered by a loan up to a month's salary payable in 3 months (anything can happen within that period).
4. Succeeding loans can be had depending on how much of the previous loan have been paid off.
5. I give them extra monthly to buy their food because I believe I should not have the temerity to change their pallet imposing on them the food we eat. In Kenya, this is more the norm as the tribal food preference will drive you crazy.
These simple guidelines, from what I have seen have taught them, specially M, to be responsible with money. I do what I can in my own little way. To me what is important is to leave behind a legacy of respect for oneself on how you have earned your keep, pride that you indeed deserve the lifestyle you have and the responsibility you have for others, specially your children.
I do not triple their salaries like some expats do (to assuage guilt maybe?), double maybe, as the salary level here is also outrageously low given the cost of living, in fear of creating an economic imbalance. Are their salary levels sustainable when we leave? Would they be able to get a job giving them the same salary level (which by law will still have to be increased on a yearly basis)? If not, how do they revert to the lifestyle they have been accustomed to while they were working with us? A did buy the latest phone model the moment I increased his salary (so did M, by the way)...but that was before he got married, now I hope he knows better...priorities, priorities. Will they then have to give up their cheese? Or worse, move their children back to public school when they've had a taste of private schooling?
I'm not saying that this is happening to us right now, but those who out of guilt, inadvertently, drastically bucking the economic trend is innocently creating havoc that could threaten to skew an already skewed economic graph of a country. An unsustainable surge which I believe does more harm than good in the long run.
This early, I can already say that when we leave, I have glowing recommendations for all of them and I won't even be exaggerating. Hopefully, they will move on to better jobs - for M, if she finishes her secondary education, which I insist she does - or at the very least keep the well paying jobs that they have.
There have been success stories of course. T's predecessor's driver-gardener now works for the embassy as a full-time official driver...another stepping stone, yes, but at least they can say that they have done it themselves and owed no one in reversing their economic situation. Hopefully, these values will trickle down to the next generation and as they say here, poco-a-poco and slowly but surely...if I may add. In all these, I have learned that I cannot change a culture that has been developed for centuries in a blink of an eye and regardless of what I do, my impact will not so much even make a ripple in a sea of hopelessness.
I know of spouses that went back home (leaving the other half to fulfill their contract) because they cannot take the sight of poverty or carry the feeling of impotence on a daily basis. I, on the on the other hand, refuse to be dragged into the abyss of despair of seeing poverty all around me (there are other things that drag me there believe me)...without turning a blind eye, I know that I can only do so much and I do what I can.
But then again, that's just me.
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